Int’l Left Handers Day
13 things if you are left handed
13 Aug 2017, 15:48
Being a leftie is like being in an exclusive club so naturally we’re used to people being intrigued by our special ways.
There aren’t many of us lefties around, so of course when we are spotted in our natural habitat such as struggling with a pen at the bank, battling a tin can opener or smudging the ink on an important document we are treated like rare unicorns.
And although it isn’t always fun trying to operate scissors, or constantly moving cutlery from the right to the left you wouldn’t change your leftie ways for anything, reports Metro.
1. Everything smudges
Right handed people have got it so good, because they write away from the ink. Whereas us lefties are writing into the ink, and this leads to severe smudges when using anything other than a humble biro. Those fancy fountain pens are the absolute worst.
2. The lovely staining on your hand
Writing into the ink results not only in smudging, but also leaves a beautiful stain all across the side of your hand. This is usually either a lovely hue of grey, black or blue.
If you’re been super busy that day, then sometimes you are blessed with a fusion of all three. Fantastic.
3. There is a technique
When it comes to writing you have two options, either throw yourself into the world of smudged documents or adopt the special writing technique that involves looking like you’re writing upside down.
If you have adopted the latter then you have lost count of how many people have been interested in your supposed upside down writing skills.
In fact, you didn’t even realise it was something special until people pointed it out to you.
4. The Leftorium = the dream
Ah Ned Flanders, he made our dreams comes true with his special store.
Your dream was always to visit a real life treasure trove full of everything for your leftie needs.
5. Primary school challenges
Growing up there was no such thing as innocently grabbing a pair of scissors and going all out with your art project. You had to hunt around for your special left handed scissors.
Running up to the blackboard, grabbing the chalk and scribbling an answer was a strict no no, because you would end up with chalk all over your school jumper.
And you didn’t even join in with activities on the whiteboard, because you would wipe everything off as you went along.
6. The ridicule
Sometimes it does get annoying that even now people think being left handed is something to poke fun at. And you’re convinced that even when your nearest and dearest discover your leftie ways they treat you a little different.
7. Then the assumptions
Wow, you must be so creative. Erm no, I can just about draw stick figures. Do you right from right to left? Nope, I write in the same direction as the rest of the country.
8. You have a defensive streak
Thanks to years of mocking and teasing you have a list of famous fellow lefties that you like to reveal to people when you are being ridiculed.
You love telling everyone that Barack Obama, Robert De Niro, Prince William and Lady Gaga are part of the special left handed crew.
9. Complex handshakes
Yep, apparently the only universally correct way to shake someone’s hand is to go for the right hand. A nightmare in work scenarios.
10. Strange pens
Lefties have a theory that all pens are out to get us.
If this isn’t true, then why are the pens in places like banks and post offices always attached to those devilish little beads to satisfy the needs of right handers only?
11. Setting the table struggles
Cutlery is always placed to the right of the dish, so when you set the table do you go rogue and make it leftie friendly?
Or do you go with the status quo appease the right handed majority?
Are you offending people by changing it up?
Such exhausting decisions results in giving up and calling a pizza instead, and eating it straight from the box.
12. Spiral notebooks = the worst
Those notebooks with the spiral in the middle are actually discreet torture devices for lefties.
The pain of starting at the margin is unbearable.
13. Constant elbow bumping
You have sadly accepted that you will spend your life bumping elbows with right handed folk, undertaking little battles in public spaces like the bar, the cinema, the photocopier and of course at the gym. You no longer bother apologising, you just throw up your left hand, point to it and shrug.