Few days ago, while I was curiously browsing different newspaper advertisements for a short break from my reading, of some serious political issues, my eyes got stuck on an interesting advertisement. The advertisement featured two worried parents looking for a good groom for their daughter. Well, this isn’t unusual. The unusual thing was that among other clichéd qualifications they were looking for a groom with a good sense of humour. I wondered what they actually meant.

Sense of humour! Well, what is sense of humour? Is it easy to define sense of humour? A dictionary would say something like the ability to understand or appreciate humour. But is it only limited to mere understanding and appreciating humour? People who have a good sense of humour have tremendous capacity to create humour and polish it and use it in different situations. Anyway, this ability to understand and appreciate humour is certainly different from the ability to do common things, like break or make things or distinguish between colours or organize dissimilar things. This ability is also unlike the abilities that people have because of natural talents, like singing or acting or writing. It is an ability that constantly changes, back and forth, becomes better or worse depending on a lot of factors, like people you grow up with, art forms you are exposed to, books you read or places you visit. However, the expertise of this ability has got a lot to do with regular practice.

The ad got me really intrigued and I started looking for answers to some questions. What does it mean to have a good sense of humour? Is it something inherent or like a talent? Does it have any scientific basis as Ben Jonson believed? Does it make someone smart or smarter? Does or can everyone have a good sense of humour? How is it different to have a sense of humour and a good sense of humour? What is a bad sense of humour, if there is any such thing? Is there any way to improve someone’s sense of humour? Does it have anything to do with common sense? What are the advantages or disadvantages of having a good sense of humour? Finally, can having a good sense of humour be considered as a special qualification?

I thought I could do a little research based on this. I talked to a good number of people about it, including my colleagues, friends, students, relatives, neighbours, people on public buses, waiters at restaurants, shopkeepers, even rickshaw-pullers. Some smiled, some laughed, some frowned, and some only made funny facial expressions but did not explain their points. However, except those who couldn’t make me understand what they understand, most of these people think it’s a special talent and it’s very necessary to have a good sense of humour in today’s world. It’s something you’re born with, you may try to sharpen it but it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. One even said, ‘The world wouldn’t have had so many wars if the leaders had a good sense of humour.’ How interesting!

It’s a blessing to have friends with similar sense of humour. It multiplies joys, and reduces tension that otherwise would grow because of your friend’s inability to interpret certain tendency or attitude of yours. Though choosing a friend or making friendship is something we do spontaneously, it is important to keep in mind that we share the same observations towards life. In many cases, people choose friends when they are very young and immature but understandably through mutual sharing similar sensitivities can grow.

In this modern time people spend more time in office and other places than at home. So, quite obviously it is necessary to ensure the time spent outside is enjoyable. It’s wonderful to have colleagues who share a good sense of humour. In such case, everyone understands others better. You share a joke or an experience, which others can readily relate or interpret with humour. Anyway, it’s not very easy to use humour and expect others to understand it instantaneously. Success here mostly depends on timing and context and of course on the mindset of people who surround you. And, if it goes wrong, it’s hard to rebound.

Now, let’s talk a little bit about pertinence. Are there certain jokes that you can make and jokes that you cannot make? Is there any ramification? I think there is! Jokes can be country and culture specific, race and ethnicity specific, class and gender specific, knowledge specific and above all situation specific. It’s a hard study to consider all these when you decide to try to amuse others. Life is funny with jokes but life isn’t a joke itself. So, one has to remember where to joke, how to joke and how that can be effective.

At this point, I would like to share my wonderful experience in working and travelling extensively in the United States; meeting new people almost every day and talking to them on topics that constantly changed. In America, there is a great value for people who observe life lightly and can cut a joke almost instantly. Alongside common occupations, I have talked to people with interesting lines of work, who would love to make new friends and could talk to them forever. I have met people who manage other people’s travels, people who help others with moving houses, people who become Santa Clauses during Christmas, and most interestingly people who help others to improve their sense of humour. There is one renowned New York Humour Engineer, Andrew Tarvin, whom my friend, Howard, talked about, who can be hired to help people ‘become awesome in their use of humour’. So, apparently there is a great demand of humour in their market.

At a busy restaurant in Baltimore, our entertaining waiter was humming a few Italian and English songs. He had a funny way of describing the food items on the menu, code-switching between Italian and English, punning interesting dish names, which Howard explained and we shared a good laugh. On our way out, the manager confirmed that all these waiters had been trained to be amusing. Some of them can even impersonate famous personalities and recite famous movie dialogues upon request. No wonder they draw such big crowds. How do our waiters do in Bangladesh?

There are people who are perpetually sad and serious about almost anything and tend to ignore instances where the use of little humour can enliven moments. At Indiana University one of my professors once talked about this attitude. He said something like - you can be sad all day about life because life essentially is sad, it has numerous unexpected encounters and unfortunate incidents. There is no glory in remaining sad. But there is glory in being happy and humorous when your life is sad. In the latter instance, you fight and win a hard battle, which can inspire others.

At college, one of our English teachers suggested we read Oscar Wilde to sharpen our sense of humour. He said, ‘Never mind if you do not understand him fully! Just listen to him! Either you will like him or love him.’ I just fell in love with his writing at that age. Oscar Wilde is witty, he is humorous, he is punny, he is sarcastic, and, above all, he is Wilde. So, quite inevitably, after such wilderness I moved to Bernard Shaw and Co. before my reading took off. It was probably then when I realized how wonderfully pleasant it is to read aloud. Reading allowed at home, we, friends, loved sharing our experiences with each other. I think those growing years had tremendous influence in shaping our similar sensitivities. By the time we were at university, we would share experiences about talk shows like David Letterman Shows and Ellen DeGeneres Shows and how these hosts amuse and bemuse audience with their humour. The more I watched shows like these, the more I realised and understood the amazing impact these humorous presentations can have on people.

Humour thrives on ambiguity, defuses in clarity and dies in stupidity. Humour is an asset as well as a weapon. If used wisely, humour can heal; so can it kill if used unwisely, unwittingly. Humour devoid of common sense can cause catastrophic consequences. Yet, it isn’t entirely based on common sense. Playing with humour can be a sensible alternative to giving in to inexcusable meanness that everyday selfishness causes; humorous replies can be a better alternative to remaining silent about things that matter. If practiced regularly and practiced well, it can open new doors for you, like being an eligible groom for that daughter. When you can lighten the heaviness of a situation or brighten someone’s rough day with a little humour, go ahead! Give it a try! If you can’t be a Santa in midsummer, have fun being a Coordinate Clause.